If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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