my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
