i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
