I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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