Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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