Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
only if we run a train.
done.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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