I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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