Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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