Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
