It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position