I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky