I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!