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Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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