i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country