last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
