I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize