He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
