Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
