grandma shit on top of the toilet
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
