Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
