i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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