I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
