Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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