Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
