I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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