I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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