Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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