Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
