We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
