and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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