Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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