I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
