I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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