this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
