Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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