Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
