every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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