people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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