Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
