Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
