omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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