Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
