I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
