If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
