at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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