woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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