so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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