the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
