When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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