toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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