i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
