She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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