you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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