You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
