remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
