I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
