The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
