Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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