Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just puked most of my soul out..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
