You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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