Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I look better un-naked...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
