Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want nice things and good sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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