I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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