I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
