you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
smell my finger.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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