there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
