True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
