so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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