the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's the barista slut.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
