If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
