dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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