You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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